Not everyone has the same needs, and not everyone needs aftercare with someone. Some just need to be alone for a few minutes; others need McNuggets. But both sides can have a need for it, and it can also depend on the scene. A humiliation scene does not have the same impact as a flesh hook one.
This approach was developed by Shevah from DS-Arts, and I think I added a little to it.
These are not rules, but ideas. It is not something to follow in order, but something to think about. Take what you need and leave what connects with you less.
A — Attentiveness. This is the part many believe to be aftercare. The cuddling, hugs and caresses, kissing and massages. It is the moment to care for the body and mind of the other, following the needs that were negotiated and agreed upon beforehand.
F — Fortify. This addresses the physical aspect. Rehydrate the body, provide sugar, rest, and clean up the person — as well as the scene. Think of first aid: apply ice, cream, and other body care as needed. Clean your hands and think of the toys used and other things that will need attention.
T — Transition. This is your way of moving from play to non-play headspace — a way to acknowledge a change. For those who do 24/7, this is less applicable. For others, it can be the adding and removing of a play collar, or a kiss on the feet from the bottom to signal the end of the scene and the return to everyday life.
E — Express. Give and show gratitude — give to Caesar what Caesar deserves. Acknowledging the work and effort on both sides helps give meaning to the scene. Be open and supportive of concerns.
R — Recovery. Body, mind, and soul need time to recover. The older we get, the more important this becomes. The body needs to recover from physical strain, but also from the chemicals our body produces during play. Those chemicals can lead to a difficult drop, and being aware of this — and how to recover — is important. The mind also needs to recover. Some will need sleep. It is up to you to find and express what you need to recover most efficiently.
C — Communication. Debrief on the scene: how it went, what can be improved. Listen to each other’s feelings, and remember that communication is not just in the moment — it also means checking in one, two, or three days later to see how the person is doing, to reflect, and to open up.
A — Analyse. This is the part done individually. Understand your feelings, understand pain, pleasure, and what you are taking away from the scene. Validate your needs, validate that it is a positive thing for yourself and your partner. Analyse whether you need more or less, redefine limits, and think of everything that can be changed to make the relationship, scene, or personal growth better.
R — Reflection. Think about expectations, limits of the scene and of others — what was realistic and how you can improve. How can you improve yourself: through classes, reading, skill shares?
E — Explore. Talk about the next scene, new ideas. Want to try new things or new locations? Explore other possibilities with your partner. This helps evolve your passion, and helps you evolve together.
